Mum's dementia was tough, but now I have new skills

A woman who cared for her mum for about 15 years has delayed her retirement to ensure her new-found skills do not go to waste.

Beverley Ross from Brentwood, Essex, was an unpaid carer for her mother, who had dementia, up until her death aged 97 in April 2024.

Suddenly faced with having more free time, the 67-year-old started working for a company providing care in the community, and now works in the sector self-employed.

Ross said there was a lack of local support for unpaid carers, and the charity Carers UK has called for an increase in the allowance paid to people like her.

A government spokesperson said that over two years it has increased the allowance these carers can earn.

Ross said the time she dedicated to her mother was a "no-brainer" but she admitted she was "lonely" and unequipped.

She added her mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's not long after her dad's death from cancer, to whom she had also been a carer.

"I was the parent, she was the child, and for anybody that's looking after an older relative that is a huge, huge emotional thing to come to terms with.

"She couldn't make decisions anymore, she lost all empathy, she never cried anymore, there was so much I'd already grieved and lost from her."

Ross, who has two daughters, had worked mostly in advertising and as a receptionist up until then.

She had to quickly pick up tips on looking after dementia patients.

"I've always been told that you must never ever approach somebody with dementia from behind.

"Colours are very, very important to them. Blue and red are extreme colours that they associate with, so, I bought a blue glass and put mum's drink in - and she'd drink it."

Her mother's death left "such a big hole in my life", and she soon joined a company providing community care, who gave her "fantastic training".

She now specialises in caring for people with dementia and mobility issues in their homes.

"They'll start laughing or make you smile and I can walk out of that door and I think 'that's just something so simple [that] has totally made my day'," said Ross.

"We're all going to hopefully get old. We all could need the care and love and support, and I just love making that difference."

Research by Carers UK and Centre for Care estimates that unpaid carers save the country £184bn per year.

Unpaid carers looking after someone for at least 35 hours per week can claim Carer's Allowance (CA) and receive up to £86.45 per week.

But campaigners have criticised the government for not communicating this support enough.

People wanting to claim CA are also means-tested based on their income, but Carers UK wants this cap to be raised.

Shannon Barden, 27, from Harlow, cares for her nan Babs, who was diagnosed with dementia in 2023.

She said she was lucky her employers were "really understanding".

"I get lots of additional support from other family members, so if I need to take a few days off to go away, or go out for a night out, I always can," said Barden.

"But the one thing I would like to see change is the wait times for applying for help.

"When we applied, it was a 12-week wait, which for some is far too long. A lot can happen in 12 weeks, so that needs to be addressed."

Lucinda Allen, a policy fellow at the Health Foundation, said about one in six adults in the UK provided unpaid care for family and friends.

"As Beverley's story shows, caring is often rewarding, but without the right support, it can come at a personal and financial cost," said Allen.

"Government action needed to improve support for carers in England is long overdue."

A government spokesperson said: "We value the immense contribution of all unpaid carers.

"That's why we have increased the amount they can earn by £2,750 in two years, the biggest increase since the 1970s, and are reviewing Carer's Leave."

Additional reporting by Genevieve Mullen.

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