'Having multiple partners isn't all about sex - it's honesty, logistics and a good calendar'

When people discover that people like Naomi Allsworth have multiple partners, she says their minds invariably turn to sex.

But polyamory, to give it its proper name, is more about loving several people at the same time and owes more to honesty and organisational skills rather than their sexual prowess, she added.

Naomi, 30, from Pembrokeshire, has spent more than a decade navigating non-monogamous relationships and said having a very good calendar is key and, ironically, the reality is far lonelier than people might expect.

Naomi, who now lives in London with her son and his dad Christopher, said: "For me, polyamory is the ability to have multiple meaningful relationships.

"It's not based around sex, it's about a lot more than that. It's the freedom of having multiple long-term relationships, should they arise."

Naomi said she was monogamous as a teen and "didn't know any different growing up where I did".

"There was one example of what a relationship should look like, it's the same with movies and books. You don't see anything else."

She assumed this was the only way of being in a relationship and ended up "in quite a few unhealthy relationships where I was cheated on a lot".

"It was almost normalised and it just didn't feel right."

In 2016 she moved to London to study fashion at university and found herself surrounded by a variety of different relationships.

Naomi began to question whether monogamy was for her after she realised she was bisexual.

"I didn't quite know how to explore that, but I'd started dating my son's dad and he was the person I wanted to marry.

"So it felt really strange to feel like I would have to end that just to explore this new part of myself.

"We discovered that I didn't need to, we could find a way to do both."

They opened their relationship with certain rules that allowed both of them to date other people while maintaining trust.

For example, if she met someone on a night out, she would get their number and discuss it with her partner before making a move.

In the S4C documentary Cariad Heb Ffiniau: Poliamori a Fi, Christopher said: "Before any new person meets our family, I have to meet them, and more than once. In a way, you become this person's friend."

Dr Lori Beth, a therapist on series one and two of Channel 4's Open House: The Great Sex Experiment, said: "Consensual non-monogamy is when people in a romantic relationship agree that they will not be exclusive partners with each other, and that in some form, they are able to have other partners.

"Now, often when people give this definition, they talk about sexual partners. That's not always the case, there are people who have very deep emotional relationships that don't include sex that they would still include under this rubric."

Dr Beth, an intimacy and sex coach, said there were lots of harmful misconceptions about polyamory, including that it is not sustainable.

"[That] is utter rubbish. I've been in a non-monogamous relationship for 17 years with my now-husband and 10 years with my other partner."

She advises couples thinking about opening up their relationship to ensure it is solid as non-monogamy "is not a good solution to problems".

"It's also not a good thing to go along with because your partner wants it. If you are insecure this will make you more insecure."

Naomi said one of the most prevalent stereotypes was that being polyamorous meant she wants to sleep with everyone.

"It's so ridiculous. Everyone instantly just assumes it's all about sex. For me, polyamory isn't about that.

"People will often go, 'I could never do that. I love my partner too much to do that', assuming that I don't love my partner to the same degree.

"I think that's quite hurtful. I love my partners more than anything and it's just a different way to navigate relationships.

"I think a lot of people assume that I don't get jealous and that's not true, it gets quite bad.

"A lot of couples want to try it and don't realise how much more trust and honesty it takes than being in a monogamous relationship."

Boundaries are essential, she added.

Over the years, Naomi has practised polyamory alongside family life and parenthood and said it was a case of managing her time.

Na­omi is a survival expert who travels for months at a time, often living off‑grid in extreme environments, meaning time at home must be carefully prioritised.

When people ask "how do you have the time?" she explains that it is all about time management, intention and "a really good online calendar that I just shove everyone in, and it's great".

Most of her time will go to her son and his dad, because "that's my family" and she does not think she would have enough time for more than two relationships.

Naomi said it was really important that her partners are friends and can spend time together.

Despite being all about making more connections, Naomi said being polyamorous "can sometimes be quite lonely".

Friends and family often avoid asking questions altogether because "they're not sure if they'll offend me... so they avoid the topic completely".

For her, polyamory remains what it has always been, "just a different way to navigate relationships".

Being polyamorous has been freeing for Gabriel Strange-Wood, 53, and his partner Christina Lydia Strange-Wood, 47, they say.

Gabriel said: "Everybody seems to think it's, 'oh, you have your cake and eat it' but just like any monogamous relationship, you have your downs.

"A lot of the time they can be amplified because you're dealing with not just one other person, but sometimes three or four other people."

He said the reality involved a lot of checking the Google calendar: "It can get very, very hectic at times, when you've got three or four on the go, it's logistics most of the time."

Both he and Christina are admins of the Cardiff and south Wales polyamory Facebook group, which organises regular meet-ups.

Echoing Naomi's point he said there was "a good chunk" of the community who were asexual, so sex "isn't their priority".

"They're just looking for emotional support, companionship, people they can feel closer to. People they can fall in love with and feel safe."