My 40th birthday was ruined by homophobic abuse - we're going backwards

Karl Whitcombe's 40th birthday week was meant to be filled with family, friendship and dancing.

But when Whitcombe and his partner experienced homophobic slurs from two separate groups of young men, he said they were left "gobsmacked" and "angry".

"It put a dampener on what had been a joyful couple of days celebrating my birthday," said Whitcombe, adding "it feels like we're going backwards in some ways".

The LGBTQ+ rights charity Stonewall said the number of hate crimes based on sexual orientation in the UK was "unacceptably high".

Whitcombe said he and his partner were approached by two separate groups as they enjoyed evenings out in Cardiff in March.

Both groups, who Whitcombe described as young men, approached the couple and used graphic homophobic language while questioning them about their relationship.

They said the first incident happened when they were walking to the train station after dinner and the second as they headed into the city centre to have a drink after seeing a show.

"We were just completely gobsmacked that a different group of guys, in a completely different part of Cardiff, two days later... that it happened again.

"I just got so annoyed, and angry and disappointed that that had happened to me within two days of each other," Whitcombe said.

He decided to share his experience online because "calling it out" felt like a "way to take back a little bit of control".

"We've come a long way now, we should know the impact of words," Whitcombe added.

"I did report it to the police because I do think it's really important to report these types of crimes that happen to the police for the purposes of data."

South Wales Police confirmed Whitcombe was supported by the force after reporting the incidents, but declined any further police action.

"There's been a lot of talk about toxic masculinity," added Whitcomb.

"It feels like we're going backwards in some ways - it's now seen as acceptable to be disrespectful to people, to not be kind, because you feel someone is different to you."

Whitcombe recalled the "shock" of the homophobic murder of Dr Gary Jenkins in 2021, adding that the "impact was massive" on the LGBT+ community.

He said he feared that verbal abuse could become violent.

A hate crime is any criminal offence in Wales and England which is perceived by the victim or any other person to be motivated by a hostility or prejudice based on a person's race, religion, sexual orientation or disability.

In the year ending March 2025, the number of reported sexual orientation hate crimes fell by 2%, but Home Office data shows an increase in reported sexual orientation hate crimes over the past five years.

Galop, an LGBT+ anti-abuse charity, said it had recorded a 27% increase in hate crime calls to its helpline over the past year.

"Hate crime continues to be unacceptably high," said Simon Blake, chief executive officer of Stonewall.

He said many crimes go unreported and therefore won't be reflected in the data, because people fear their experiences won't be taken seriously by the police.

"You've got this atmosphere in which it feels more possible for hate to manifest itself, whether that's verbally or physically."

As a student in Cardiff in the 1990s, Blake was the victim of a physical homophobic attack.

"Yes, it was over 30 years ago.

"Yes, it's not something that I fall asleep worrying about every night but it's there and it does create that sense of 'am I safe?'"

Lloyd Best, 32, said the homophobia he experienced as a teenager still impacts him as an adult.

The singer from Barry, south Wales, recalled the "traumatic" experience of his sexuality becoming a topic of discussion after he shared it with a small group.

"One day I came to school and everybody knew.

"As I came off the school bus an entire crowd of children came up to me and started shouting at me, saying horrible things, and they chased me around the whole school, trying to get answers from me."

Best said that despite now having "places of safety" to be himself, he spends a lot of time thinking about where he's going and how he's dressed after "intimidating" previous experiences.

"I've had more people shouting things at me as I'm walking down the street.

"I do feel like the last couple of years, certainly post-pandemic, it feels like it's pushing back towards that early 2000s brand of homophobia and that's quite worrying to me."

Prof Matthew Williams from Cardiff University has been researching hate crime for the past 25 years and said there had been "an uptick" in intolerance "towards minority groups" which has "largely been fuelled by increasingly polarisation".

He said that hatred online could result in hatred in public spaces.

"The research consistently finds if there is an increase in hostility expressed on social media, for example, towards a particular group, then there tends to be a corresponding uptick in hate on the streets as well."

Williams also pointed to the "increasing influence" of the manosphere - a network of websites, forums and influencers who promote what they describe as "traditional" masculinity.

"I think it's almost impossible to rule out the role of the increasing influence of particular kinds of individuals associated with the manosphere and changing attitudes towards women and gay people," he said.