Coercive control victim unaware of crime until boyfriend's arrest

Shannon Byrne did not realise she had been the victim of a crime until her boyfriend was arrested and taken into custody.

The now 21-year-old was sitting in the back of a police car after her family, who were concerned for her safety, had raised the alarm.

"[The police officer] went through the DASH (domestic abuse, stalking and honour-based violence risk checklist) questions with me," said Shannon.

"She asked me a couple of questions about his behaviour and what's the relationship like?

"She just turned around and looked at me because she was sat in the front of the police car and she said 'I'm going to arrest him' and I went 'why?'

"I was so confused. I said 'why are you going to arrest him?'

"She said 'it's domestic violence, it's controlling and coercive behaviour'.

"I understood what domestic violence was, but I didn't quite realise what controlling and coercive behaviour was at that point."

Declan Walsh, 23, was arrested at his home in Stockport, Greater Manchester, on suspicion of controlling and coercive behaviour in March 2023.

The couple met when Shannon was 17 and working part-time at a Costa Coffee shop, fitting in shifts around her college studies.

"It was quite strange because everyone who I knew and everyone who I worked with - because he was then coming in the store so often - everyone called him my Costa stalker," she said.

"He introduced himself to my dad as my Costa stalker when he first met my dad.

"So it was strange because he somewhat knew his behaviour was odd but he still sort of embraced it."

At first, Shannon was flattered by the attention but the relationship quickly began to spiral.

She said little things built up until he was controlling her whole life, including what she wore, ate and who she spoke to.

"The main tipping point for me though was going to see my nephew for his birthday and he wouldn't let me go," she said.

"He's my world. I absolutely love him."

After turning off the tracker on her phone, Shannon said she found the courage to tell her parents what had been happening.

"[Walsh] made it out that everybody hated me and only he would love me, only he would accept me and his family," she said.

"Because you have that ingrained in your brain so much, you start to believe it because it's all you hear.

"So I was so scared to tell my parents what had been going on.

"Not because of how they'd react or what they'd do, it's because of what he made me think they'd do."

Shannon returned home to collect her belongings while her family waited outside.

When she did not come back out, her mum called the police.

Since this was her first relationship, she said she had "no idea what it should have been like".

"I knew it wasn't normal, but I didn't realise it was a criminal offence," she said.

"I didn't realise it was breaking the law.

"I just thought I was somewhat in a bad relationship."

Shannon has shared her experience to raise awareness of coercive and controlling behaviour in the hope of helping others.

"I don't care what he's doing. I don't want to speak about him," said Shannon, who refuses to say his name.

"It's nothing to do with that. I just want to spread awareness because it is horrible."

At Stockport Magistrates' Court in July, Walsh received an eight-month custodial sentence in July, suspended for 12 months, alongside a restraining order, rehabilitation activity and unpaid work.

"I want people to know that a relationship like this isn't right," said Shannon.

"Nobody should control you, isolate you or make you feel worthless.

"If something doesn't feel right, please speak to someone and report it.

"The police helped me when I couldn't see a way out, and now I finally feel like I've got my spark back."

Listen to the best of BBC Radio Manchester on Sounds and follow BBC Manchester on Facebook, X, and Instagram. You can also send story ideas via Whatsapp to 0808 100 2230.