(Old Gilbertian style - loosely based on the song of Modern Major General from the Pirates of Penzance) I am the very model of a modern Northamptonian,
I was born here some years ago, so I am not a phoney'un,
I recall when our buildings were respected and historical,
I knew the mayors and councillors in order categorical.
I liked the Derngate buses in their livery of county green,
Now all is staged in concert with a liberal dash of drama queen.
The fountain’s disappeared in the middle of the market square,
And raucous cockney traders with their bargains are no longer there.
The Black Boy pub and Chron & Ech have disappeared now from view,
I've seen the end of cinemas and Co-op shire horses too.
In short, in matters civic, council planning (some draconian!),
I am the very model of a changing Northamptonian! On sporting fronts I've followed most of our teams from down the years,
The ups and downs, the joy and grief, the good and bad, the groans and cheers,
I've seen the Cobblers rise up from the bottom to the very top,
And managers that last a year, then are destined for the big drop.
Been at the County Ground and witnessed some quite exciting cricket,
Wayne Larkins smashing boundaries, Monty bowling round the wicket.
Europe glory with the oval ball electrifying every Saint,
Sadly the chance of winning anything this year is very faint.
Less stressful -visit local parks and watch bowls or games of hockey,
Or go and sink a pint or two, then gather round the Oche.
In short, in matters sporting, I'm sure I'm not the only 'un,
I am the very model of an ageing Northamptonian! The Carnival's been processed out, and Timken's lost its bearing,
And Express Lifts left high and dry, whilst Balloons get an airing,
Shoe factories have breathed their last, now all stitched up and long since gone,
And Fifty Shilling Tailors have no measures to suit anyone.
The famous trains and mini ships once made to scale by Bassett Lowke,
Have reached the end of line and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
Replaced by Shopping Centres, mobile phones, bingo and Internet,
And various shops of Bookies if you want to place a little bet.
In short, in matters clerical, business-wise and medical,
Don't be ill for space is limited at the Northampton General! The churches are emptying fast, and prisons filling quicker,
There's lots of little pills around, and quantities of strong liquor.
And half of us are dieting now, to try to reduce excess weight,
Whilst the rest are striving manfully to put enough to eat on plate.
For some time hangs quite heavily, we're bored to death, they often say,
For others it flies by so swift, there’s not enough hours in the day.
We're funny creatures all of us, it's said there's nowt queerer than folk,
And all us men, three score and ten, we can no longer see the joke.
In short, in matters animal, vegetable and mineral,
We are the very models of all mankind in general! |
