Daddy I never knew you

My mother got pregnant after a short affair with my father; who was quite a bit younger than she was (my mother is now 91). He left her for another woman on Good Friday 1950, when she was around 3 months pregnant. When I was born in the September, my mother took my father to court with a 'Bastardy Order' as it was called in those days. My father denied paternity and so his name could not go on my birth certificate and, as far as I know, he never contributed to my upkeep. My mother brought me up on her widow's pension, as well as my older half-sister and brother (who were children of her marriage) and also my younger half-sister, by another man. My mother's situation was very shocking at the time, which was why it was never talked about. Every time I broached the subject, my mother's eyes would fill with tears; so I learned not to ask. Later, I tried found my father's address and tried to contact him by phone; but he didn't want to know. At 53, I have given up any hope of having any kind of relationship with my biological father; but what I find hard to accept is that I will never know my biological origins. Because I was born before there was such a thing as a DNA test, my father's word was taken rather than my mother's - which left me nameless and fatherless. I feel a great injustice has been done to me and others in my situation and that I ought to be given help to find my biological origins; other than via my mother - who did the best she could at the time to bring my father to book. Even President Clinton did not get away with what my father - an ordinary bloke, got away with. My mother said that my father went on army clear-up operations after the war (clearing up the bones in the concentration camps)and this experience left him emotionally weak.I think she loved him and tried to make excuses for him because she couldn't face the possibility that he didn't love her. Maybe. I don't know. Probably I'll never know. The truth of my origins has been wilfully kept from me. And no-one seems to be able to help me.

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