Time has no meaning here. Hours scuttle past, sneaking away the day. Tramping round the beachside marquee of the Brit-promoting UK Film Centre, sun beating down and brain giving up, I was contemplating various aliens-abducted-my-dog style excuses for the absence of today's column (figuring, "Watched pretty waves," just wasn't going to cut it) when my desperate eye chanced upon a fine pair of legs. This isn't the point at which Cannes Canned descends to an unsightly level of lechery and lust (that's next week), but it was with a firm grip on another's thigh that I approached Simon - the cameraman who's drawn the short straw of accompanying me around Cannes. The expression of bunny-in-headlights horror with which he reacted to being presented with a severed leg is something I will cherish throughout the festival.

The limb in question belongs to Mike Kelt, a special effects whiz whose company, Artem, has recently worked on both Troy and Terry Gilliam's upcoming Brothers Grimm. It is uncannily realistic: its chill fake flesh clammy against my hand; real human hair puncturing its skin; bony, bloody stump freaking out everyone in sight (either that, or I really do have a face for radio) (You do - Ed.).

Mike is here to raise business and bang the drum for behind-the-scenes British talent, as a recently elected board member of the tentatively titled UK Post, an association created to raise the profile of professionals toiling away in the post-production work of editing, sound, music and special effects; an organisation for what UK Film Council spokesperson Ian Thomson calls the "unsung heroes" of our movie industry.

Both appear confident in British abilities, although no one is disputing Quentin Tarantino's assessment, at the jury press conference, that Blighty's stars tend to disappear to Hollywood. Dan Jolin, the features editor of Total Film, also agrees with the banana-chinned auteur in his opinion that the UK needs to make films with more variety. But the primary reason for Hollywood dominance is obvious: money. For British product to consistently bust blocks on a Hollywood scale, we need investment and daring. We need someone to go out on a limb (I'm sorry. I can't help myself. I'm legless. Oh, no... Have I gone a step too far? Etc etc.

Coming Soon: Catch up with me on Monday, to see how our Cannes characters are coping, meet the team behind Dog Soldiers and chat to some enthusiastically odd Americans. Go on.

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