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Flylo Onboard Entertainment Guide

Alright boss, my name is Taaj and it is my proud duty to introduce to you the amazing entertainment on board our flights.

There are loads of things to watch and listen to which is just as well considering the amount of time this plane is going to spend in a queue before it even gets in the air, you get me. Best of all it’s all free as long as you rent a pair of headphones for £20. They’re good ones, some of the best that you can buy at the 99p shop, honest.

On board we have the blockbuster releases and because we care about all our passengers we have a special family section which is like suitable for all the young wide boys and bitches that are with you.

All of our entertainment is on demand which means that it won’t be turned on for you unless you really shout at the stewards.

Press for more: Avatar
When the man what made Avatar made Avatar I think that what he really intended was for it to be shown on a five inch screen in the back of an aircraft seat which keeps stopping cos of announcements asking people to come back from the toilets. If you are on a flight of less than twelve hours you can always watch the second half on the way home.
An Education
This is like quite a good story and that and has some wicked acting and that but nobody has drawn any men’s appendages on any of the chairs in the school so it really isn’t very accurate.
Iron Man 3
Yeah, we have got this film before anyone else. Before it is in the cinemas, in fact before it has been made because we do what it takes to bring you the very best. I found this myself on the internet. It’s a video conference between the producer and the writer talking about what the story might be. Some might say that showing the film this early isn’t what the filmmakers wanted and it spoils it a bit, but they’re just mad ‘cos we’ve got Iron Man 3 and they haven’t!!
Sex Toy Story 3
Yeah, this is a DVD that I got from a bloke down the pub and I slipped it into the aircraft entertainment system. It is well wicked especially the bit with the Buzzin’ Lightyear, ha ha!
Some Romantic Comedy or Other
It has Jennifer Anniston in it in which she plays a woman with a career who has a relationship with a guy and there are a few jokes but it’s mainly quite soppy. In the end she has to choose between the job and the guy and I don't want to spoil it for you but she chooses the guy. I don’t know what’s it’s called or nothing but every plane has to have one of these films on them. It’s the rules, you hear me?
Press for more: A whole channel of those really good documentaries they have on BBC3. ‘The boy who ate his own bum’, ‘My mum is a squirrel’ and ‘Is I sexier than your nana?’
News 24 + 1000: Rolling news from about 40 days ago. Go back in time to about 40 days ago and watch events unfold.
Derick is Dave’s mate only not as popular. So this has comedy and entertainment shows but not ones that are quite as good as the ones they have on Dave.
The American sitcoms which haven’t managed to get onto telly in Britain yet because they’re not actually very funny.
And for our Chinese, Japanese and Arabic customers: Mr Bean.
Press for more: Yeah, there’s like twenty CDs on the entertainment system. Obviously you have a music player with you that has a lot more music on it than that, but the difference is that the albums on the plane aren’t necessarily ones you like. And on this you can listen to the music on the plane earphones which are not as good as the ones that you have in your pocket.
Press for more: We do have some computer games but they are pretty old. I reckon they are the computer games that the cavemen or Lady Victoria the Queen of old used to play. I mean Reversi, who wants to play Reversi? Hangman sounded quite good but you don’t even get to hang the man, it’s just some boring words. I keep telling them to get some decent games where you get to do some serious killing but they won’t listen. I would play the games on your phone if I were you.